Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
