Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh god the rape fog is back!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
