everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
