yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
