so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
