Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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