Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
