In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
