New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
