i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
