I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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