Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
