i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
