Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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