Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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