my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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