How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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