So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
