Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
