Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
