you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
false alarm, still single
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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