I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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