Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
