Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
