if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
