I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
