Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
