she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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