why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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