This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
