Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
