i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
