I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
