Sry I called you an 8
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
