Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
