I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
