She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This house was built for laser tag.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
