we made out on top of his cat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
