Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
