dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
