The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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