I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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