i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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