Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
