I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
