By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
