I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
