Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
