my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
