just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
