We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
