just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
