Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
