then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
