i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
