Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
