Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
