god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
